Life and Shit

Frog me it's been a fucking long year haha (pls excuse the language)...

Where do I even start?? The summer has clearly ended, probably one of the best summers of my life actually. And so much shit has happened, though right now I'm having trouble remembering.

Before I go further in on detail I should probably clarify that I suffer from anxiety and depression, I just managed to pull myself out of a kinda sorta mental breakdown. I'm at that confused stage where I really haven't a fucking clue what's going on and I feel like I'm a piece of dust on crack. It's insane to even try to explain haha. 

But I'll pull myself together and get through it.

Imma have to reallllly stretch my memory now to begin to express what has happened since my last update. So ya probably wondering wtf happened to that guy I liked from the prom post.. Well yeah, anyways he is out of the picture now (let's just say he turned out to be a fuck boii). And since that happened, I have met so many frigging amazing new people!! (so who gives a shit about that) All from which I met during my time at NCS (national citizen service), this being like a residential trip where kids my age (16 year olds) take 3 weeks out, doing outdoor  activities on week one, stay at a university week 2 and then week 3 we had to do a bake sale to raise money for a rescue boat service. 

From meeting all these amazing new people I have found that my confidence levels have raised over the bar (like I can actually speak to strangers now without wanting to throw up!! Well, I have my moments but so far I'd say I'm doing pretty okay and it's great:)

Other than this though, I still have the panicking issue and fall into depression more frequently since starting school again. I'm at sixth form now and a lot of my friends had to leave behind to head off to college :( that kinda disheartened me a lot and gave me that empty feeling again. It's never been the same really since last year when we used to all hang together.

Nevertheless, I am getting on fairly well with my social life right now though, I currently have a boyfriend (my first boyfriend actually) and I met him at NCS you see... I created this group chat for all the people on the course thingy and well, the only way I could really show my true self was when I was left alone with the magic of my phone and my imaginatively bazaar thoughts (thank you brain!). Everyone added there contact numbers to the group so I had a few people pop up to me on text, one of those very few people being the one I now call Plop (weird name I know, but I like the word), I replied to his greeting text by saying 'hey! It's an alien'. And from that one text, we hit it off pretty damn fine:) we're still talking now and he's even met the fam haha (pretty serious shit). But yah, I would say i'm a pretty lucky gal for being able to cherish such a beautifully kindhearted person <3

I'm just remembering our first date now too, we went to a restaurant/pub called 'the slug and lettuce' at my friend's recommendation (lol I know the name of it sounds kinda yuck but she assured me it would be great! ...later on finding out that she had never been there as the place she was thinking of had an entirely different name). I ordered a chicken korma; it came with plain rice and some naan bread. Food was nice, though because i'm a mother plopping awkward turtle, I wasn't able to get through one fork full without wanting to throw up!! My hands were shaking so much, and as much as I wanted to get to know him more, I just wanted more than anything to leave in that very moment. However, a few fork fulls later, I found out from him that he was feeling the exact same way as he openly admitted. We both awkwardly smiled at each other (well I laughed haha) but from then on, it was perfectly okay that none of us carried on eating anything. So as soon as that awkward phase was outta the way, it was time to turn to phase two; operation 'hit and run' *creeper face*. Nahh, i'm only kidding. He paid for the meal like a lil saint and we walked outta there, feeling sorry for the waitress whom brought us our lovely food, and headed off to the cinema where we went and saw 'The Maze Runner: Scorch Trials'. 'Twas a great movie, but I panicked parts of the way through so couldn't exactly pay full attention, so I will definitely be watching that again! 

Guess that's me all caught up, if I've missed anything out I'll include it in the next post. Other than a-levels being an absolute bitch I think that's pretty much everything covered so bye for now:) *virtual hugs* xox