Frog me it's been a fucking long year haha
(pls excuse the language)...
Where do I even start?? The summer has clearly
ended, probably one of the best summers of my life actually. And so much shit
has happened, though right now I'm having trouble remembering.
Before I go further in on detail I should
probably clarify that I suffer from anxiety and depression, I just managed to
pull myself out of a kinda sorta mental breakdown. I'm at that confused stage
where I really haven't a fucking clue what's going on and I feel like I'm a
piece of dust on crack. It's insane to even try to explain haha.
But I'll pull myself together and get through
it.
Imma have to reallllly stretch my memory now
to begin to express what has happened since my last update. So ya probably
wondering wtf happened to that guy I liked from the prom post.. Well yeah,
anyways he is out of the picture now (let's just say he turned out to be a fuck
boii). And since that happened, I have met so many frigging amazing new
people!! (so who gives a shit about that) All from which I met during my time
at NCS (national citizen service), this being like a residential trip where
kids my age (16 year olds) take 3 weeks out, doing outdoor activities on
week one, stay at a university week 2 and then week 3 we had to do a bake sale
to raise money for a rescue boat service.
From meeting all these amazing new people I
have found that my confidence levels have raised over the bar (like I can
actually speak to strangers now without wanting to throw up!! Well, I have my
moments but so far I'd say I'm doing pretty okay and it's great:)
Other than this though, I still have the
panicking issue and fall into depression more frequently since starting school
again. I'm at sixth form now and a lot of my friends had to leave behind to
head off to college :( that kinda disheartened me a lot and gave me that empty
feeling again. It's never been the same really since last year when we used to
all hang together.
Nevertheless, I am getting on fairly well with
my social life right now though, I currently have a boyfriend (my first
boyfriend actually) and I met him at NCS you see... I created this group chat
for all the people on the course thingy and well, the only way I could really
show my true self was when I was left alone with the magic of my phone and my
imaginatively bazaar thoughts (thank you brain!). Everyone added there contact
numbers to the group so I had a few people pop up to me on text, one of those
very few people being the one I now call Plop (weird name I know, but I like
the word), I replied to his greeting text by saying 'hey! It's an alien'. And
from that one text, we hit it off pretty damn fine:) we're still talking now
and he's even met the fam haha (pretty serious shit). But yah, I would say i'm
a pretty lucky gal for being able to cherish such a beautifully kindhearted person
<3
I'm just remembering our first date now too,
we went to a restaurant/pub called 'the slug and lettuce' at my friend's
recommendation (lol I know the name of it sounds kinda yuck but she assured me
it would be great! ...later on finding out that she had never been there as the
place she was thinking of had an entirely different name). I ordered a chicken
korma; it came with plain rice and some naan bread. Food was nice, though
because i'm a mother plopping awkward turtle, I wasn't able to get through one
fork full without wanting to throw up!! My hands were shaking so much, and as
much as I wanted to get to know him more, I just wanted more than anything to
leave in that very moment. However, a few fork fulls later, I found out from
him that he was feeling the exact same way as he openly admitted. We both
awkwardly smiled at each other (well I laughed haha) but from then on, it was
perfectly okay that none of us carried on eating anything. So as soon as that
awkward phase was outta the way, it was time to turn to phase two; operation
'hit and run' *creeper face*. Nahh, i'm only kidding. He paid for the meal like
a lil saint and we walked outta there, feeling sorry for the waitress whom
brought us our lovely food, and headed off to the cinema where we went and saw
'The Maze Runner: Scorch Trials'. 'Twas a great movie, but I panicked parts of
the way through so couldn't exactly pay full attention, so I will definitely be
watching that again!
Guess that's me all caught up, if I've missed
anything out I'll include it in the next post. Other than a-levels being an
absolute bitch I think that's pretty much everything covered so bye for now:)
*virtual hugs* xox
